Gratitude- Again.

Some day soon I want to do another Ashead update, where I share "what in the world are the Ashead's doing?", but today something else is on my mind.  Gratitude. Thankfulness. Peace. Remembering. Gratitude.

The past several months have been a big struggle for Richard and I - a lot of hard things have been thrown our way.  It seems one after another, without the first one or several getting resolved before we have more thrown our way. It has been a challenge and I'm not going to get into the details of the issues that remain at hand and hard, but as I thought about these stresses today, and prayed, God answered me in the way he often does. Gratitude.  I am brought to remembrance of the many good things still in life and a need to know that blessings abound, sometimes they are just not the ones I'm looking for- so I might miss them.

So, today's gratitude list.

**  Although things have been hard for the parents of the family, the kids do not seem overly affected. They are all functioning well and seem only marginally aware of the concerns.  I'm grateful for this, that for the most part  it appears, they are not feeling the weight of the world upon them as it seems we are.

** I'm grateful that through the  winding path of life and the places I've been and people I've interacted with I've made friendships with people who have been a strength in a variety of ways.  Maybe they have expertise or experience with some of the issues we are now dealing with and lend an ear, or insight, support and encouragement. Others are true friends who reach out in support and allow me to ramble and rant at times. Especially grateful for those who get me and my personality and why some of the things we have been dealing would be hard for me.

** There are still lots of great things going on for our family such as
     * Whitney will be graduating next month.  She is looking forward to her time with FEMA Corps. She just attended prom with a sweet young man and was on prom court.
     * Andrew just finished another year of college successfully and is home for the summer and working.
     * Jayna is doing well in school,and also just had her 2nd piano recital.
     * We have a vacation planned to Boston with plans for whale watching, seeing Newsies and more!
     * Richard is enjoying teaching the PA motorcycle safety courses.

** Then there are some of the "big" more universal things to be grateful such as living in a country and area where I don't fear for my family's physical safety regularly,  Having a home and food.  Libraries where I can get lots of books. A belief in answers to prayers.

Anyhow, that is where I am today. Trying to find peace in the good and being grateful for that.

And so it goes...

Reading Now- "Mozart's Last Aria" by Matt Rees
Recently Read- "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande- highly recommended reading for every adult! We need to have conversations about life, living and dying and what is most important to each other individually.

Mother's Day and an Open Door

Richard and I headed to bed a bit ago, and I left the bedroom door wide open.  I've always liked to have the door open some and some light coming in; he on the other hand prefers it completely closed.  He is not a mom.  Whitney has been gone since Thursday morning on her school's senior trip. She'll get home late sometime tonight, I don't really know when to expect her, but when she gets home, what I want her to see is the open door, both literally and figuratively.  She knows when she gets home she is expected to check in and let me know she's home, not just tonight, but any of the many nights that she gets home after we've gone to bed.  But, as a mom I want to get as much as I can from that late night check in, and that is where having an open door helps. How does she sound as she's telling us she's home? Changes in her voice are more noticeable with an open door.  Is she just sounding tired, or is there something in her tone that makes me wonder if she's upset? Do I just say good night, or wait a few minutes and then go check on her and make sure she's feeling okay all the way around.  I also want to see her just a bit as she enters the room across the hall. Is there any sadness or frustration on her face, is there a slump in her shoulders that makes her look more than just tired, or a smile on her face.  These are things that as a mom, even when woken from sleep that I am looking for.
However, I also want my kids to always see an "open door".  I want them to know that no matter how early or late, that I'm here for them. I want them to see me as a safe place to ask questions, to process their thoughts and to become who they truly are.  I want them to know that my love for them isn't conditional - it's not based on certain expectations or achievements.  I want them to see an open door when they call for a ride at an inconvenient time or when they are choosing beliefs that aren't my own. I want them to see an open door- a door they are always welcomed through, not one they tiptoe by in fear.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to be a mom to each of them. Andrew, Whitney and Jayna- who continue to teach me.