Things that are stressing me out:
1. The fence- part of it fell over during a recent wind storm, we had been planning on replacing it "someday", but I guess that is sooner than later. If we didn't have a stupid dog it wouldn't matter so much- the relationship between me and the dog is not getting better- and I get frustrated with the lack of others cleaning up after her outside and maintaining her training. It was a bad decision to get her, one that I'll be paying for for awhile I guess. Anyhow the fence- I would love to just pay someone to do it, but am not sure about the cost difference. Types- chain link would probably be most affordable (which unfortunately has to be a priority), but it is only so tall unless I want to feel like we are in a prison yard. And then that would stress me out because I am use to our tall wooden fence saving us many times from balls, frisbees, and birdies going over to the neighbors- the neighbors are fine, but I don't need the stress of our toys hitting their cars, windows..., wooden fence is what we have now, but rotting and falling apart, and more expensive, I would like something with little upkeep, vinyl would be nice, but probably too expensive for us.
2. Taxes- I just wish they were done so I would know if we could pay off Richard's car and get the fence taken care of, plus catching up a little would be nice. Richard does them and I am trying ( probably not too well) to not push him too much. He's also going to do his Dad's and Mom's which is stressful to me too.
3. Career search for Richard- going nowhere so far, discouraging to both of us.
4. My job- it is kind of a love hate relationship. I love the fact that is is close to our house (less than 2 miles) and I love that I am generally home when the kids are including breaks which is really important to me. But, besides that I hate it! It is incredibly boring and I don't have the opportunity to interact with anyone throughout the day, if I do have students, they are testing, so I don't really get to work with them. I don't have a regular schedule either.
4. What is next for me- I've been struggling to know what to do next career and job wise. I'm just planning that we will be here next year. I would like to return to school but not sure what is the best route. I could go about a year and get my associates in early childhood education which would allow me to teach preschool ( when I was looking for a job this past summer it seems like that is more a requirement than before, I use to teach 4-5 year old class without a degree, but it seems more required now) I do like working with children, and that would be ideal as far as having time off with the kids, however, I've been thinking I would really like to go into social work. I have a desire to help people who have lost hope. I want people to know that life is good and they can make it good. The community college here has about a 1 year program that gives you a certificate in human services, which I am considering, with the college I already have, it probably wouldn't take too many more classes to get an associates degree in social sciences. I could then work on a bachelors degree, but to be honest that sound of that sounds so overwhelming right now. So I need to know what exactly could I do with that certificate and my big concern being would there be part time jobs and what about child care during the summer, Jayna is still 6 and I feel it really important to be around for her and also the older kids. I know many people haven't had that choice, but I have and it remains important to me. So do I do what I think would be okay (childhood ed, or delve into human services hoping it works out)
5. Finances- it just seems that although I am working now and bringing home a little money, we aren't getting ahead.
6. Friends- I miss them, I'm so lousy at making good friends, but have been able to make
some, but now many of them have moved away.
7. How busy I am and how behind I feel- I still get discouraged about what doesn't get done. I didn't even get Richard a Valentines day card, and although I don't think he really cares (we had made plans to go out tonight) it drives me crazy because before I would have found time to do that , I am always trying to keep track of which child needs picked up where, who needs what for school, the house gets messy ( and yes I know we should have everyone pitch in, but keeping up on them pitching in just seems like more work for me!) I go to work and basically do all that I use to, just maybe not as well .
Well, I thought venting some might help, but instead I'm sitting here bawling. And so it goes... hope you're feeling happier than me today
2 comments:
You're kinda making me hope that I never grow up. Being an adult sounds stressful. I know things will start looking up for you. And, I think you'd be an excellent social worker. Take care!
Good Morning Sue! It is easy to sink into the doldrums. Hang in there. It's good to vent and let go of some of your frustrations.....but then try to focus on the good stuff in life...and in your life! I know if you made a list there would be lots of it!!! Everyone always notices how sweet and kind your family is to each other - at the funeral services Alexia mentioned it....what a nice family you have. I believe in the law of attraction - what you focus on you get more of. So focus on the good stuff and draw more of it to you. I have been listening to the audio book tape - the power of now. Basically the message is that pure joy comes only by living in the now. Too many times we get hung up on the past or worried about the future. We let those thoughts consume us instead of just enjoying whatever task or moment we are in right now. I have problems doing that. I printed out the slogan " live in the now!" and put it on my desk calendar and and my vision board. It reminds me to just enjoy the moment - whether it is a cup of tea, a fuzzy blanket, crunchy snow, a joke with Conrad etc. Plus do some stuff to take care of yourself...pamper yourself...whatever makes you feel loved and taken care of. Sometimes when you are in a traditional family like yours you might get used to hoping or expecting that someone else will do that for you. When you are single you get the rude awakening that you have to be the one to love and take care of yourself - because no one else is there to. But I think that is true in a married, traditional family as well.....you have to love, nurture and care for yourself. I sometimes try to imagine what I wish someone else would do for me....like what do I need to feel loved and taken care of? And then I try to do it for myself. It seems odd at first...but then it turns into a sort of game. Like what do I want or need? Is it quiet time, is it attention, is it to be spoiled, is it to be appreciated? I have learned that I can give all of those things to myself. Hang in there. You are doing a great job raising your family, being a great wife and a really good person! Live in the now!
Love - Cheryl
Post a Comment