Before my head explodes!

I think a lot- sometimes too much, I'm sure. I'm afraid my son has the same tendency- sorry Andrew. I hope through all the negatives my kids get from me- there is something positive too! Anyhow- there is lots on my mind right now- so I'm just going to start writing. Sometimes- poor Richard, I think hears my thoughts over and over as I'm trying to process things. He tends to internalize things,where I like to talk everything out- over and over again. See- like I said lots of thoughts and we haven't even started with the thoughts I was thinking of!

Being in limbo- I don't like it. I'm a planner (sort of.) So right now I find myself in that place of limbo- not knowing exactly what the near future holds. I don't want to give too many details- but here are the basics: my husband interviewed out of state last week. And so now we wait- I'm hoping it's not long- but my understanding is it could be weeks. I've decided that I'm not nervous really- there are good things about staying and good things about moving, but what I am is ANTSY! I've been spending time looking at real estate in our potentially new area, jobs for me in the area, schools...., but I know I could just be wasting time. I want to know and move forward. The good things about staying- not moving 3 kids, including 2 teenagers, things are okay here, and no routine would have to be horribly interrupted. The good things about moving- new opportunity for my husband, benefits that could be really nice to have, and the excitement I get about starting over somewhere new. Oh- and to be honest- it would include a house with at LEAST
1 1/2 baths! This situation with one bathroom in our house is ridiculous! The kids have been told the possibility of moving and they have met it okay for the most part- Whitney has shed a lot of tears. And at this point it is just an idea.

Work- I'm a bit conflicted here- maybe a lot- and as the above paragraph states-maybe I shouldn't even be worrying about it since I might be moving. Since August I've been working two part-time jobs. My intent was to work both of them for a year- or at least until the end of the school year- and then reevaluate. It's been on my mind a lot- and one of my employers said he would like to know my intentions.

Job A- I work as a COTA (certified occupational therapy assistant) in an alternative school. ( the kids here have behavior, or emotional or psychological issues that don't allow them to attend a "regular" school) I work there 3 days a week. I have around 15 kids ranging from kindergarten through high school. I prepare activities for each of these kids to help meet their goals. I see most kids 2 days a week. Their goals range from visual motor/visual perceptual activities, to handwriting and scissor skills, social skills, safety awareness, and self regulation abilities.

Job A's Pros:
1. It can be fulfilling to see one of your kids "get" it or to provide a positive example to some of these kids who don't have many.

2. The pay is decent.

3. I am using the degree I went to school for.

Job A's Cons:
1. It can be overwhelming- the schedule is tight, and there is a lot to do besides just treat the kids- documentation, working with teachers, finding activities and getting supplies. I find I do more on my own time than I would like.

2. I still feel "new" at this job- and sometimes wish I knew so much more! I want my time with these kids to be as productive as possible.

Job B- I work as a Program Assistant at an Adult Day Care Center. Several of the clients here have dementia. We help them with breakfast and lunch, plan activities/games for them. Occassionally help with personal care. I am hired per diem here. I originally was working one day a week, which was good. Then I was asked to cover for someone once and from them on it's been the two days a week. Just recently I asked to go back to one day a week- in the end I said at least give me a day off here and there.

Job B Pros
1. I feel passionate about the service this is providing- we allow caregivers the ability to carry on with their daily needs or gain some respite AND provide positive socialization and activities for their loved ones. I know this is meaningful to me since I have a Dad with alzheimers, but I think I would feel this way anyway.

2. Although I'm just per diem and can't really take advantage of most of the benefits- the company is one of the best to work for in the area ( through Kaleida Health)

3. If I ever wanted to work as a COTA with a different population- this would be a good way to keep my foot in the door.

4. No stress- I show up, do my thing and go home!

Job B. Cons

1. The pay is lousy ( just a little more than 1/2 of what I make at my other job)
2. I'm not using my official degree
3. I work short hours- usually 4 hour shifts and it's fine- but I think if I worked more there would be times I would find it a bit mind-numbing.

So anyhow- that's what I end up with. There are times I would really like to consider just being a program assistant ( or something similar), no stress- show up, go home, do something good, help others. I really feel like all this working and stress on my mind has made me not the Mom and wife I want to be. But I have a hard time justifying working for so much less- if the reason one works is to make $. The other option is maybe there is a job C that I have discovered yet. I don't know- I come up with a plan then change it....

Vitamin D- Oh it was a nice sunny day! Did some yard work, cleaned out the car and am getting ready to go start a fire in our fire pit.

And so it goes...

Reading now : To Kill A Mockingbird . It was choosen for book club- I have a friend that LOVES it, but I have to say I haven't fallen in love with it. It was kind of fun when I opened up our old copy. Inside, around page 20 I found a hall pass from my husband from when he was in high school- truthfully that was probably as far as he ever got with it. (He's not a fan either!)