Teamwork, yeah, yeah, we've all heard it before. We are all working for the same thing and if everyone does their part then the team is successful. Although I've been married for 20+ years, I feel like I've recently learned an important team work lesson.
So Richard and I are a team. We use to tell the kids that when they were little ( Don't ask Dad if Mom has already said no!), and it's still true, we just don't say it as much anymore. Our team's goal is to have a functioning family life.( ideally a happy, fun, supportive one, but sometimes functioning is enough right!?) To accomplish this we both have some primary tasks,some joint tasks, and some tasks that no one is ready to take on right now! ( those we just talk about !)
Anyhow right now Richard's primary task is to earn those $'s, that allow our family to meet the demands of groceries, medical bills, netflix, clothes, pet food and more. My job is to spend that $! No really it is! I buy the groceries and then have to come up with something to do with the said groceries ( yuck, I know.), and then clean up after. ( another yuck) I manage doctor appts, and pay the bills. I usually tell the kids what $ they have for clothes or take them shopping, so you see, I really do spend the $.
Anyhow what I've realized is that teamwork involves everyone having their turn at crap jobs and then their turn at just enjoying their job. I was sitting on the porch on a lovely warm day recently, a nice breeze blowing occasionally and reading a book, Although it should have felt perfect, what I kept feeling was guilt. Guilt because I was doing something I enjoy, when at the same time I knew Richard had been having a week of just getting beat up at work. I felt like I shouldn't be enjoying the day when he wasn't. But in my mind I kept on thinking, Sue, you really need to savor this moment. You need to rejuvenate yourself. Doesn't it seem silly that perhaps I would have felt better if we were both having bad days? I talked with my teammate about this and he said that he has done the same thing- feel guilty if things have been easier for him, but harder for me. So some things I've come to realize about teamwork and having a HAPPY family life.
- We each have things that we like or dislike about our roles right now. Neither of us have a "job" that is always full of happy moments, but we both have things that we find relaxing or inspiring within these jobs.
- We don't have to feel guilty for enjoying those times when we'd give our job an A+ rating. It's okay and positive and right to bask in the positive moments. It gives us serenity that will help us help our teammate through those days when their job feels like a full fledged F!
- Just because we have miserable days or moments,we don't want our spouse to feel that same way. Yes, I want my husband to listen to me vent about whatever was hard that day, but he doesn't need to feel guilty about the fact that I had a hard day. He has hard days too.
- It really is about teamwork. We both have things to do that we don't like to do,( we are waiting to get a new dishwasher so hand washing the dishes is right up there for me!) but we do them because as a team we are working to have a functioning, positive and happy family life.
- Sometimes it's your turn to have a good day, sometimes it my turn. And hip hip hooray for the days when we are both having a good day!
And so it goes...
Just Read- "Sister" by Rosamond Lupton. It surprised me how much I liked this book. A good crime fiction book that kept you wondering, but more than that she is a good writer. Several times I would read a sentence and then say that was a good sentence. She uses words well.