Content with our gifts?

It's been awhile since I blogged anything, but something just keeps floating around in my mind and I'd thought I'd share- and maybe get your thoughts about this as well. It really sparked from a conversation that I had with one of my sisters recently. She was telling me of an experience and how someone told her "she was so kind" and my sister Mary mentioned that that was one of the greatest things someone could say to her, because that is not what she normally hears about herself. And I was like, "wait, really?" because for me, that is exactly what I hear all the time! I am so often described as sweet, kind... and for the longest time it has kind of frustrated me. What I have hoped someone would say about me is that I am smart or dynamic or probably any number of things that are not necessarily the first things someone thinks about when they hear my name. Things that I really admire in others, but maybe don't always feel about myself.  She went on to say that she is usually labeled as being smart or efficient, but not necessarily kind. It just made me stop and think. You know what- I love kind people! Why have I always been frustrated by that label? I'm pretty sure my sister also really appreciates smart and efficient people. Why have I wanted to diminish my natural gifts or personality traits ? In the Doctrine and Covenants 46 there are a few verses about gifts:

11 For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.

12 To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.

 

My day to day kindness can hopefully benefit others and my smart and efficient ( and also kind) sister is an amazing nurse and those skills and talents help her to bless others as a nurse but in other areas as well. Can we be happy with the gifts that we've been given? Can we appreciate in others the amazing gifts they've been given? Can we not degrade ourselves when we don't have every gift to the extent we would like? I'm not saying I can't still strive to be dynamic in some way, or really smart, or that my sister shouldn't be kind, but just perhaps that we need to also accept our own goodness and stop judging ourselves so harshly.

Share your gifts and appreciate others gifts as well.

 

And so it goes...Sue

 

Just read :"Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy" by Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg  I definitely found it to be a worthwhile read and think sometimes about kicking the heck out of option b and making it the best possible when things don't go according to plan A.

 

Reading now: " A Man Called Ove"  took me awhile to get into it, but a good book.

 

Sharing Goodness

 

 

As we headed into the Christmas season, Jayna got busy rolling coins from our coin jar. We had decided that the $ there could be used to do good. Usually we have done some type of service/sharing project at Christmas, whether it be toys for tots or taking a tag from a church or United Way tree to buy for, but this time, rolling the coins we had a little more to spend and a defined amount that we wanted to make sure that we spent on sharing goodness. I got busy making a list of possible service ideas- these ranged from the typical tree tag, to putting treats in the mailbox for the mailman, hiding dollars in library books, free babysitting and more. ( Pinterest has a ton of ideas!)  Since Jayna is the child at home the most, she then highlighted some of the ideas that were most interesting to her and we got busy. I loved that this allowed each family member to serve in a way that they felt comfortable and in a way that seemed meaningful to them. So here is how we spent our time and money:

 

Tree tag- We were able to pick a name from a tree at the school I work at and buy 2 toys and a shirt/pants outfit for this kiddo. This activity Jayna, myself and Richard participated in.

 

Drive through paying- both Andrew and Richard served others by paying for the person behind them at the drive-through. Andrew has had people do this for him and it has always made him feel good, so it's a way he feels comfortable sharing goodness,

 

Food bank- Jayna and Whitney went shopping together and bought bags of groceries to take to our local food bank. Whitney thinks about food insecurity a lot, so I think this one has meaning to her.

 

Free babysitting- Jayna and I offered a family at church some free babysitting. I remember being young and having littles and how hard it was to get out for some time together.  We were glad we could serve another family, so the husband and wife could go out for a bit together.  This activity was free, but a perfect way to really think of how to serve someone else. Jayna being the youngest hasn't had much experience babysitting.  She wasn't so sure about starting off watching 4 kids!  We were a good team and did fine though.

 

Free meal- Richard and I were out for lunch one day and he saw an older lady dining alone and discreetly paid for her bill as well. It was nice to hear from our waitress that that happens more than one would think.

Build a community center in South Africa- my friend Rachel was fundraising for building a community center which will help a community. I would love to participate in an awesome humanitarian effort, but for now I could purchase a craft download with all the money going to this cause.

 

I debated about writing this post, I didn't want it to sound like " hey look at our awesome family and the good things we did." , but I did want to share our experience and how I felt it was important for everyone to serve and to find a way to do so in a way they felt comfortable.  By sharing good, they could also feel good.  Of course, service often takes us out of our comfort zone as well. I'm always a fan of activities that help us look outside of ourselves. For me personally I also realized how it can be easier to just pay for something or fun to pick out someone a present, but harder to do babysitting or take a meal to someone in need. It takes more from us, and perhaps helps to make more of us in the long run as well.

 

Jayna has asked if we will do this every year, and I don't know the answer to that right now- I don't think our coin jar gets filled up every year, but maybe we will continue to think about how we can share the goodness we have been blessed with.

 

And so it goes...

 

Reading Now- The Year of Living Biblically by A. J. Jacobs- funny at times, thought provoking at times, sometimes enlightening

 

 





No Buy July

I've had a lot of positive feedback about our No Buy July and questions too, so I thought I'd dedicate a post to our past month of decreased spending.

This is our 2nd year doing a No Buy July, and this year there were some changes. The take away point I want everyone to feel is do what works for you. We certainly weren't perfect but in the end seeing over a $500 savings feels empowering. I was initially inspired by posts like this http://www.sixfiguresunder.com/planning-no-spend-month/ and similar ideas found online. Growing up hearing things like " Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without", and "It's good for you to want things" ( one of my Dad's favorites!) I feel like I tend to be rather conscientious about our spending, but I also feel like we have $ that just slips away sometimes so No Buy July is a good way to see where our $ is going and see what we can change.   I have to say my family is a pretty good sport about enduring whatever great schemes I come up with.

Why July??? For me this just works and here's why: we just did a family vacation in June so just spent a decent amount of $ on having fun, eating out.., also Jayna already had a art camp scheduled and paid for, we participate in the kids bowl free program and have the family pass as well, I already had a pass paid for 10 yoga classes - so some "free "recreation was already in play. The older kids are busy with work and school and to be honest they have their own $ and if I say no to something they have some of their own $ to work. I also knew August would be a spending month preparing to buy supplies for school/college starting. Also a big thing for me about doing this in July is I'm not working this summer so I have the time to cook and plan more than I do during the school year.  Since going out to eat is one of our biggest areas of $ slipping away to, the fact that I'm home and can make our own pizza for Pizza Fridays or plan a good meal is a big deal. And as Richard says No Buy only rhymes with July.

Our tracking system: PNC bank has a virtual wallet that puts our spending into categories .  To be honest, I haven't found it overly accurate, however, I figure wherever they made errors previously, they would make again. So I looked at their spending sections and chose a few a felt we could track. I took the average of March, April and May from those sections ( leaving out June because it is kind of a spendy month with vacation) and used those numbers for my target number to be below. I used the categories of restaurants, general merchandise shopping and groceries.
Restaurants In the end we decreased restaurant spending by 76%. We kept our Summer DQ tradition of choosing a really hot day and going to DQ, then every day that summer when it gets above the previous high we get to go to DQ again. Cooking is not my favorite, but I tried to keep good meals coming so we wouldn't feel deprived. I made pizzas for Pizza Friday, upping the pizazz by making a buffalo chicken one and one with more veggies, along with traditional cheese and pepperonis. When I hurt my knee and was off kitchen duty we did break down and order food one night. Richard was prepared to cook, but had forgotten he had another commitment as well that night. It was interesting to pull the kids into looking at our spending and hearing their input. Whitney especially said she didn't really value DQ trips or pizza nights, but prefers the experience of our family all going out together. However, I know Richard really looks forward to ordering pizza and not going out after a long work week. This brings me to another key point- everyone values different things and that's ok. It's great to recognize what those things are and then work to spend $ on the things that are most valued and not let it just slip away spending less important things.
Groceries- Last year when we first tried No Buy July I spent little on groceries, using up what we what, using food storage... We ended up eating a lot of carb heavy meals, pasta, pancakes... And we felt yucky. A good reminder of the fact that what you eat matters. So this year I said I would still do grocery shopping. By adjusting our shopping from weekly to twice a month we decreased our grocery shopping by 11%.  It doesn't sound huge but if you think about how much a family of 5 spends on groceries a month, 11% is still a nice bit of change. Also, I didn't sacrifice spending less now just to have to pay more lately- so I still bought large Wegman's family packs of items, because they are so much less per pound. We ended the month with still chuck roast, steak , cheese and other items in the freezer. Another thing that I had started previously was when making a weekly shopping menu to only plan about 5 dinner meals, knowing the others could be leftovers, using what we still had or that we would end up going out- this decreases food waste.  It's true that by the time we get to the end of the 2nd week our fridge and cupboard are looking a bit bare, but there is still something that can be eaten, it may just not be as easy. Shopping twice a month does take some preparation so you eat those things that need eaten earlier than later, and making adjustments if you see something isn't being eaten to change your meal plans so it can get eaten up. Also because the time I fill up my cart with meal food, when shopping for two weeks, there is less room to buy some of those extras, also saving $.  I know that there are ways that I could have decreased our grocery budget more- rice, beans, more vegetarian meals, but I just didn't feel like that was what we should focus on  this month.
Shopping-  This was another area that saw a big decrease and really I think the biggest key was just not going to the store- although truly I think that was almost depressing to me! I did go out to buy a few things to make a care package for a friend and it felt so good to touch and look at things and be out! I also found out that I have a real weakness for chocolate because perhaps when I did go to buy something, chocolate may have ended up there too! I think a lot of our spending is just those extras that get added to our list as we are shopping.
Some things we did or did without this month:
* We enjoyed cheap outings- music on the beach, arboretum, and using free food from downloading an app, motorcycle riding.
* We delayed buying gender specific body wash, Pam cooking spray, saran wrap- knowing we had something that would do the job already.
* I put off painting my nails knowing we were very low on nail polish remover.
* We still spent $ and that was ok!
* We learned that we had extra $ that we are now putting towards a monthly car payment to pay it off earlier than later.
So that is the story of our No Buy July! I've been glad to hear that others have taken on the challenge or considering what they can do. It has made me aware that I don't want to let our $ slip away, but I want to conscientiously consider  how I want to spend it in the most meaningful way for us.

And so it goes...

How much fun can we have?!

We just returned from our vacation trip to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. We had 3 full days of fun and 2 days spent mostly driving. It was a great opportunity for our family to hang out together!  As much as I don't love long car rides, at times they are one of my favorite things.  Hysterical behaviors and conversations as well as some deeper topics discussed.

Our family needs room to spread out and be alone some, so renting a 3 bedroom cabin was a perfect option for us.

 Outside of our cabin and our trusty van which we named Van Go!

One silly kid!

The cabin had a pool table and arcade machine that everyone enjoyed for some cabin down time.

 View from cabin deck!

I found a reading nook although I didn't read as much as I thought I would!

 

The cabin also had a hot tub on the deck which some of us enjoyed the first night.

 

Nature! We loved getting out into nature!

 

 I was at the Old Mill General Store and saw they had duck food- so we went to find some ducks! And pigeons ! At times it felt like we were on the edge of getting attacked! They would eat out of your hands.

 2 bear cubs, Mama bear was a little lower in the bushes.

 Wild kid wild kid! Andrew in a tree.

 Andrew was not so sure about this sign!

 Tubing- I was one heck of a mess for this experience! Thankfully my husband and kids kept saving me. The water was a bit low and easy to get stuck or in Jayna's instance she had her tube run away from her. The kids all really enjoyed the experience, I was glad when it was over!

 Whitney and Richard after ATVing in the mountains. Jayna and I started out as well, but after a bit Jayna decided it was not for her so we hung out together.

 



This bear visited our cabin!

 

 

More Fun!

Jayna mini golfing, after she climbed over the fence.

This handsome guy ready to mini golf.

The Escape Game!  We didn't escape but we had a great time trying to! Lots of fun, and our guide said we were so much fun to watch!  He said so many people come very serious about winning, but that we seemed like we were having fun just playing the game! This was one of the last things we did and it ended vacation on a high note.

 

 The Dixie Stampede! Yes, I paid for this overpriced picture. It is so hard to get my 3 kids together for a photo and I thought this was a good one!

Waiting for dinner at the Stampede. The show was fun, and it was especially so since Jayna got chosen to be an audience participant. She participated in the bucket brigade and her team the North won! ( I'll try to insert a video later, but right now it is too big and I need my techy husband to help!)

The Island at Pigeon Forge. This felt lovely on a sunny day, music, fountains, shops ( Richard and Andrew checked out the moonshine distillery) we ate at Margaritaville and enjoyed the fun atmosphere.

We also enjoyed shopping and eating at the Old Mill area.

Fun! Fun! Fun! We had so much fun and I'm full of gratitude for the opportunity that we had to be together and enjoy fun things together.

And so it goes...

 

Reading Now- "Night Train to Lisbon" by Pascal Mercier , it is taking me a good while to get through, but I like it.





Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!

I was singing that line from the Drew Carey tv show, and teaching it to my kids, for a week or two before our family took a quick trip to Cleveland!  Richard and the kids planned a surprise trip for us for my birthday.  We went to a Cleveland Indians game, the Rock and Roll Museum and ate at Hard Rock Café and Paninis! I knew Richard and the kids had planned some kind of get away, since he asked me to see if the young men who watch our dog could watch her for an upcoming weekend. I couldn't figure out what we were doing and it was fun having something to anticipate and fun to go!

 I love going to baseball games! It feels like a care free time ( and that is a feeling I don't accomplish often), I think it has to do with the summer weather, being outside, the excitement of the crowd. It was fun hanging out with the whole Fam! And it was really fun to see how much Andrew especially enjoyed the game and watching him jump out of his seat!  It started out very toasty and sunny!

 Then it rained!  We stuck it out and it cleared up and we won the game!

 A very enthusiastic fan, who was a bit drunk, sat in front of us. Thankfully his excitement was fun, instead of really rude, and he kept his language pretty clean. I also tend to get a bit emotional when the National Anthem is sung.

Being 21, Andrew tried out the slot machines at the casino at Tower City.

I have to say I was surprised how much I enjoyed the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! Although I like music, I just wasn't expecting to care much about the museum. However I found it interesting and it really made me think about the connection people have to music and how that can connect us to one another. I also felt the power of music, especially as we watched about Farm Aid, We are the World and Do They Know It's Christmas- how artists came together for good.  It was fun to see the recording of I think "Do They Know It's Christmas", all of these famous artists showing up in their street clothes all working together for good and as they were told to check their egos at the door.

I'm so thankful we could have a good weekend and that the whole family could go together. I think it was really sweet of Richard to plan, and I know he is careful with his money and I find it sweet that when he did spend more than normal it was for me.
 Cleveland really does rock! Andrew especially says he could see himself living there- he was born there so maybe he will return to his roots someday.  I liked being by the water again- I miss it!

And so it goes...

Reading Now- "Night Train to Lisbon" by Pascal Mercier- I don't know how this will be but so far there are lots of passages that I wish I could mark. Thinking I may have to buy my own copy.
Just Read- " A Long Way From Chicago" by Richard Peck - a fun read! Also "That Part Was True"  by Deborah McKinlay.  I really enjoyed this book- it was just lovely!

My Cool Mom!

Heading into Mother's Day I wanted to take a moment to pay tribute to my Mom.  I wrote about Mom's love, care and self -sacrifice as she took care of my Dad- here.  Love Steps Up  She naturally demonstrated the same characteristics as she raised her 5 kids, as well as many foster children, also. Here's to you Mom!
Food and Fun
I had a Pinterest cool Mom, way before Pinterest was a thing.  Let's start with birthdays!  I loved that Mom let us pick out whatever our favorite meal was and she would make that for our birthday meal. Spaghetti with Mom's delicious meat sauce and Chicken and Broccoli were some of my favorites. Mom was known for her delicious cooking. She definitely had her own knack for it that I haven't developed. She is one of those add a pinch of this or toss in some of that cooks. I haven't learned that ability yet, I have learned that things go much better when I have a defined recipe to follow.  Dad was of a waste not want not mentality, which is great unless that means you are to eat liver, heart and whatever else grossness from the animals we butchered ourselves. How I loved and appreciated that mom fed some of those things to the dog when Dad was away. We still had to eat some of it, thanks to Mom though, not as much. Mom also made the coolest shaped birthday cakes. I think they were from a Baker's Coconut cut- up cake book.  We would pull out the booklet as our birthdays approached and choose which one we wanted.  I remember the hot air balloon being my favorite. They were spectacular, and not once did I ever hear my mom complain about making them.   The joyous memory of these awesome cakes and a mom that wanted to make our birthday special remains with me.
Mom was also awesome at making cool boxes for Valentine's Day.  I don't know where her ideas came from- because I am not naturally creative, but they were cool. She also gave us paper lace hearts on valentines day that were special coupons- I can't remember exactly what they were for but things like getting to choose a dinner meal, or not having to do a chore. It was lovely.
Mom also had the philosophy that if you got a day off for bad weather in the winter, that you should also get a day off for nice weather in the spring. She  tried to make work fun, by having a job cup, that along with chores we had to do, if we got lucky maybe we would pull the "chore" of taking a 10 minute break.
I can't write about my mom and not mention her love of flowers. She had many flower beds and always took a bouquet of flowers to church. She always sent them home with someone and I know she thought about who might need some brightening in their day as she chose who to give them to. I loved growing up with some many flowers around, often making my own vase of flowers for my room.
My Dad worked out of town for weeks at a time, so my mom raised us almost as a single mom. I don't know how she did it.  5 kids, 42 acres of land, farm animals, huge gardens. Sometimes a running car, sometimes not. She has told me time and again that you just do what you have to do. Because what other choice is there? That has been a great example to me. She was the one there figuring out and managing the day to day needs of kids and the farm. She helped the livestock through birthing issues, buried dead animals  and chased cows many times. She canned tons of food, gave birth to 5 kids, not one born when Dad was home, and  raised those 5 kids to be functioning adults. I know that she had great struggles and I'm sure she often felt alone and didn't know how she was going to do what had to be done. However, I'm so thankful that she did and so are my siblings. Mom has touched many lives and has taught me the importance of always moving forward and just doing what needs to be done no matter how hard it is.  However, she also brought joy and happiness to our lives by all of the other things mentioned above, teaching me to find the beauty in the daily routines.  Here's to you Mom! Happy Mother's Day with lots of love!

And so it goes...
Just Read- "Rain Village" and "The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend"

The Power of Confidence

Confidence- I've known for awhile that the more I try to project confidence the more I feel it and others may feel it from me as well.  However what I'm thinking about today is how powerful and empowering it is to have others show confidence in you.

Recent jobs have made me reflect on this- 2 of them making me feel empowered and 1 of them making me feel the exact opposite. In my job as an activity director  at Ohesson Manor, I was all of a sudden asked to do all kinds of things that I had never done before- big things, scary things, cool things, amazing things.  Of course I didn't let on how overwhelming some of those felt.  I just said ok and went to work.  However, the kind words, help, support and overwhelming expectations that I could and would do just fine made such a difference.  They thought I could do something so I jumped right in and did so. They recognized my strengths and understood that since someone hired me to do this job, I could and would do what was needed. I felt empowered.  I feel like that job gave me a lot of personal growth- I moved outside of my comfort zone and did cool things- things I didn't know I had the ability to do until someone showed confidence in me.

As a recent classroom aide, I was basically told you are on the lowest rung of the ladder.  I felt like although I had a background that may have been useful in this setting, it didn't really matter. It just felt uncomfortable and depressing to be there. Not empowering.

I recently started a new job.  My first vote of confidence came from a former co-worker who said really nice things about me to her current boss, recommending me for the job. Another confidence boost came from a former employer who said the new place would love me.  So once I started working I was thrown into a tricky situation, but my boss just said ok this is what we are going to do and we did it. AND IT WENT FINE. I don't know that I would have trusted myself to just jump right in, but she did.  Afterwards she mentioned how impressed she was with how I handled it. Which just builds more confidence.

I'm grateful for those who have shown confidence in me. It has changed me.  It really makes me want to show confidence in others- to build others up, not put them down. I want my kids to feel confidence, that even when they don't feel up to something, that I'm going to be behind them knowing they can.  I want to help others in whatever situations to have the confidence to just move forward and try. I'm on your team.

And so it goes...

The Journey Continues

Here, Wanted- Cheerleaders,not Coaches and here healthy changes- follow up ( click on to read previous posts) I wrote about being overweight including  my reflections of why and also my plan to get healthier and why it was so important to me. I'm still reflecting on this and working on this and learning.  I want to show a great before and after picture, however there is none. In reality in this past year I have gained a few pounds instead of lost any.  But, I'm still trying and learning, so I won't say I failed.  I am trying to figure out what to do with what I've learned about myself and my struggles with food.  So I'm just going to write a little about what I've learned- I need to do this for myself as a way to document and reflect.

One change I made, did make a difference, not in weight, but I think in health. Some results I could see externally, I hope there were/ also some results internally that made my body healthy as well. There are lots of articles out there that make me think it must have.  DRINKING WATER- I upped my daily water intake to about 9 cups a day. ( I also almost stopped drinking anything else except juices/cider) This is what I noticed. My pms acne went away, flaky skin on face went away, my nails looked lovely- shiny and no longer breaking/cracking. So I started that in April and continued until about September- and I didn't mean to stop but in September I started a job that just seemed to make it hard to get 9 cups of water in each day. It wasn't convenient to have a water bottle with me and I didn't feel like I could always run to the bathroom if needed. Coming home and drinking lots of water at the end of the day didn't work so well as it meant I was up too much during the night!  However, what I learned- that just may help me as I think about other ideas or strategies, is that it took about 3 months until I started to see the reverse effects.  Around December, all of a sudden I noticed a little bit of  flaky skin by my eyebrows, acne started to show up again and right now my nails are awful! Thankfully, I have changed jobs ( not because of the water) and am now back to drinking more water, but the change isn't immediate and I am hoping that in 3 months my skin and nails will be back to awesomeness!

What I really took from this is the time it takes my body to respond to a change. 3 months. So in my earlier trial I went a month without eating sweets and was disappointed that I didn't lose weight or feel any better or notice much of any difference. So I didn't continue with that goal. I'm wondering now what would happen if I did 3 months and on of doing that.

Food issues- I tried different ideas- such as only having one helping, but I found I then gave myself an extra big helping. I've never not had food available to me, so I don't know why I have this fear or whatever of not getting enough. I continue to be a stress eater and need to become more aware of this. I do like fruit and veggies and feel like I  do a fair job incorporating them into meals, but know I could do better. One thing I have really started doing, especially with pasta, but other things too, is making less.  If there is only enough pasta for everyone to have one serving there is no temptation to have more.

Exercise- as I mentioned in one of the previous posts I always end up injured. That has held true, as I've gone through having a torn meniscus! I have recently made a "Move It" playlist that will hopefully encourage me to walk more.

When I made my New Year's goals this year - my goal was to lose 10 pounds this year. Sometimes looking at losing 100 pounds seems so impossible.  But surely I should be able to lose 10, and by documenting what I weighed then I can work towards it. I still want to lose 100 pounds, but losing 10 is better than gaining five.

Please don't think I don't understand the basic concept of eating less and moving more- I get it. However, what I am still trying to do is figure out HOW to do that and HOW to make it work for me.
I'm still learning and trying...
And so it goes...

Just read- "The Rithmatist" by Brandon Sanderson- a decent enough teen read

Ponderizing

In the last General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Brother Durrant encouraged members to "ponderize" a scripture weekly.  His definition of ponderizing is 80% pondering and 20% memorizing. You can read his talk here: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/my-heart-pondereth-them-continually?lang=eng  It's a great talk, highlighting the benefits of scripture study- specifically that it gives our thoughts a higher place to go.

I took his challenge and this past week I have been ponderizing John 15:12-15.  I chose this scripture because I have also been working on a 45 Days of Christ scripture reading that I found on Pinterest.  If interested you can find it here: http://www.handmadeintheheartland.com/2014/03/the-life-of-christ-45-day-scripture.html  As I was pondering John 15: 13, I had strong feelings about it, and as I was looking for a scripture to ponderize, I returned there and was also lifted by the other scriptures around it.  I'm going to share a few feelings and the insights I've had as I've thought about these scriptures.

12This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. 
13Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends . 
14Ye are my friends , if ye do whatsoever I command you. 
15Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends ; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

What initially stood out to me were the words "lay down his life", I felt the spirit testify that although Christ had to lay down his for us physically, there were plenty of ways that I could and should be "laying down my life" for those I love.  Laying down my life means that I think less of myself and more of others.  That there are times I need to put aside my petty wants to more fully meet the needs of my family. It means my heart changes and I become more Christ-like. For me personally it means I take a job that perhaps I wouldn't normally choose because it meets my families needs better, but I not only take the job, but I find happiness and joy in it- not because it meets my needs, but because it meets their needs. I'm still working on this.  And please don't think this means that I am saying that you always have to "play the martyr" and never have the things you want.  That's not true or right, I know Heavenly Father wants us each to be happy and have things we like and enjoy, but I also know true joy can come as we sacrifice for others. There is just something about truly considering another and their needs that can lift us as well. Christ wasn't asking his disciples to give up their physical lives for him, but he was asking them to "lay down their lives" by giving up their sins, and weaknesses and self- centeredness.

Verse 15 also spoke to me.  I just love that Christ calls us his friends and basically uses the analogy saying a servant doesn't know what the Lord does, but Christ is saying we are his friends and he has freely given us all that he can. He hasn't held anything back from us. He wants us to have eternal life and exaltation and has freely and fully given us the knowledge we need to obtain it.

I'm grateful for the opportunity and encouragement to ponderize scriptures. I'm going to sit and consider what I will ponderize for next week.  If you have been pondering scriptures as well, I would love to here your thoughts and insights.

And so it goes...

Teamwork

Perspective. It changes things. It changes the way we see situations, and the way we see situations then changes the way we act or feel in a situation.  And sometimes a small change in perspective can make a big difference.

Teamwork, yeah, yeah, we've all heard it before. We are all working for  the same thing and if everyone does their part then the team is successful. Although I've been married for 20+ years, I feel like I've recently learned an important team work lesson.

So Richard and I are a team. We use to tell the kids that when they were little ( Don't ask Dad if Mom has already said no!), and it's still true, we just don't say it as much anymore.  Our team's goal is to have a functioning family life.( ideally a happy, fun, supportive one, but sometimes functioning is enough right!?) To accomplish this we both have some primary tasks,some joint tasks, and some tasks that no one is ready to take on right now! ( those we just talk about !)
Anyhow right now Richard's primary task is to earn those $'s, that allow our family to meet the demands of groceries, medical bills, netflix, clothes, pet food and more.  My job is to spend that $! No really it is!  I buy the groceries and then have to come up with something to do with the said groceries ( yuck, I know.), and then clean up after.  ( another yuck) I manage doctor appts, and pay the bills. I usually tell the kids what $ they have for clothes or take them shopping, so you see, I really do spend the $.

Anyhow what I've realized is that teamwork involves everyone having their turn at crap jobs and then their turn at just enjoying their job.  I was sitting on the porch on a lovely warm day recently, a nice breeze blowing occasionally and reading a book,  Although it should have felt perfect, what I kept feeling was guilt. Guilt because I was doing something I enjoy, when at the same time I knew Richard had been having a week of just getting beat up at work. I felt like I shouldn't be enjoying the day when he wasn't. But in my mind I kept on thinking, Sue, you really need to savor this moment. You need to rejuvenate yourself. Doesn't it seem silly that perhaps I would have felt better if we were both having bad days? I talked with my teammate about this and he said that he has done the same thing- feel guilty if things have been easier for him, but harder for me. So some things I've come to realize about teamwork and having a HAPPY family life.

• We each have things that we like or dislike about our roles right now.  Neither of us have a "job" that is always full of happy moments, but we both have things that we find relaxing or inspiring within these jobs.
• We don't have to feel guilty for enjoying those times when we'd give our job an A+ rating. It's okay and positive and right to bask in the positive moments. It gives us serenity that will help us help our teammate through those days when their job feels like a full fledged F!
• Just because we have miserable days or moments,we don't want our spouse to feel that same way.  Yes, I want my husband to listen to me vent about whatever was hard that day, but he doesn't need to feel guilty about the fact that I had a hard day. He has hard days too.
• It really is about teamwork.  We both have things to do that we don't like to do,( we are waiting to get a new dishwasher so hand washing the dishes is right up there for me!) but we do them because as a team we are working to have a functioning, positive and happy family life.
• Sometimes it's your turn to have a good day, sometimes it my turn.  And hip hip hooray for the days when we are both having a good day!

And so it goes...

Just Read- "Sister" by Rosamond Lupton. It surprised me how much I liked this book. A good crime fiction book that kept you wondering, but more than that she is a good writer. Several times I would read a sentence and then say that was a good sentence. She uses words well.

Family Update!

It's been awhile since I've written just a general blog about what our family is up to , so I'm going to try to do that now, although I'm sure I want be able to do justice to everything that's been going on- I wish I was better at blogging and including photographs and keeping it up to date.

We've lived in rural central Pennsylvania for about 4 years now. We find it different than anywhere we've lived in our adult life, and the kids have definitely found it different than anywhere they had experienced previously. There are negatives and positives, but what Richard and I and the kids have all felt is that even now this still doesn't feel like "home". We've all tried to "Bloom where you're planted" and I am especially so grateful that we have each other as we make a home and life where we really don't feel at "home." We did list our home for sale for awhile, but we have the unfortunate reality that since we moved here our home has been mapped into a flood zone, now requiring really expensive flood insurance if someone were to buy it. So between that and the fact that we don't have a lot of equity in the home (which would allow us to sell for less to offset the insurance), we recognize that we may be here for some time. However, at the same point we recognize that we may not. And life up in the air, is not one of my favorite feelings.

Richard continues to work as an IT specialist for Penn State Hershey Medical centers in State College area. For the most part he likes it, but does get tired of the politics between the State College branch and Hershey. It's hard having 2 bosses in 2  different places telling you 2 different things that don't always agree with each other.  On the other hand he is really enjoying teaching the PA state motorcycle safety courses.  It's like a hobby for him, but also helps with extra income since I'm not working outside of the home right now. I see the teacher in him as he really likes to see how the students progress from the beginning to the end of the course.  I've considered taking the course from him as well, but not sure if that would be a good or bad thing for our marriage!  He likes to stay busy and in his spare time has been busy wood working.  The other day I was considering everything he has made: coffee table, picnic table, bookshelf, corn hole, side table or seat.  He is handy to have around! 

Andrew has finished his 2nd year of college and has one more year to get his associates degree.  He started out in a 4 year major, then changed to a 2 year major, thus the 3 years. It will be in computer tech ( or something similar, I can't remember the exact name.) He especially enjoys the networking side of it. His girlfriend Nina still lives in Buffalo and spent some of last week with us. They seem to have done really well with this long distance relationship thing- and I know he didn't get that from me! Although, perhaps I've matured some in my years, I use to get a "If you're not here when I need you, then I Don't need you" attitude when Richard would be away.  They are tired of the distance though and  Andrew hopes to return to Buffalo to work and live after graduating. He is working his second summer at the local amusement park, Del Grossos. He works in the games department and comes home with interesting stories about co-workers and parents and kids.

Whitney just graduated from high school as Salutatorian. I'm really proud of her of course and I absolutely loved the speech she gave. She wrote it herself, but really said things I am pleased and proud of her for. As I said previously, this doesn't feel like home, but in her speech she said the things that she has learned here. If you want to see her give her speech here is the link. Whitney's speech.She starts at about the 39:39 mark. She struggled with deciding what to do next and decided she wanted more time before heading to college and having to decide a major. She has decided to do 10 months in FEMA Corps. This is a branch of Americorps that focuses on disaster preparedness and relief. She will start in Iowa and will then travel throughout the US working on projects.

Jayna just completed her 7th grade school year.  She is clever and has a good sense of humor. She has pretty severe scoliosis and we will be seeing a pediatric orthopedic specialist this week to see if she will be having surgery for it. From the research I've done on it, it seems like given the fact that she has two places where her spine curves greater than 50 degrees, it is likely.  I want to make June a fun month in the event that surgery will happen this summer. She is going to miss her sister when she leaves in August, and will kind of become an only child! We may be off to volunteer at the animal shelter tomorrow. ( This makes me a good mom, for those who know how much I like animals!)

I'm not working outside of the home now. With Andrew and Whitney getting more involved in their own lives, I really needed to be available to get Jayna wherever she needed to be. Living in  the country we are often driving about 40 minutes to go to a class or activity. So I keep busy "MOMing", and with the house and reading and such. I have started doing some mystery shopping where I act as a regular customer then write an evaluation on specific criteria. It gives us a few extra dollars here and there. I much prefer it when I can give a positive review! I've been looking into the possibility of returning to school part time to get my bachelors degree as well. I have been looking at a few different major possibilities, however need to wait and see what happens with Jayna and surgery this summer and where she will be attending school in the fall.

So, there you go, a brief little update and now some pictures!

 Whitney with her boyfriend Luke. I have to say she seems so much more relaxed and comfortable and herself when she is with him. I have to say I appreciate that he brings that out in her.

 Jayna overlooking Raystown Lake. We love the beauty of Pennsylvania.

 Jayna and I went to Living Treasures Animal Park and it was cool to see a baby joey peeking out of it's mama's pouch.

 We get a family picture together like never! Graduation was a good excuse for one!

 Sisters! I guess sometimes there is a question as to who is oldest by looks. And recently I took Jayna out to lunch and the waitress asked if it would be one check or separate and Jayna looked at me and said "I'm only 13!"

 We don't get to see the grandmas much and especially not together! It was nice having them around for Whitney's graduation.

 Jayna wasn't so sure about the cow that put her whole hand in it's mouth!

 A girl and her dog! Whitney and Muffy just love each other!

 Family fun playing corn hole that Richard made for my birthday!

 Andrew and Nina making lots of Easter treats! Yum!

 Jayna bottle feeding a baby camel.

 Non-crafty Sue said let's try this Pinterest idea!

 I love our peony bed, wish they bloomed longer!

And so it goes...

Reading now- "Sister" by Rosamund Lupton. A little different than my normal read, but I do like her writing style.  Crime fiction, pretty good so far.

Just Read- "All the Light We Cannot See"- by Anthony Doerr, I liked the story, but not how he went back and forth between times.  It gave me insight into WWII and how things just happened.

Gratitude- Again.

Some day soon I want to do another Ashead update, where I share "what in the world are the Ashead's doing?", but today something else is on my mind.  Gratitude. Thankfulness. Peace. Remembering. Gratitude.

The past several months have been a big struggle for Richard and I - a lot of hard things have been thrown our way.  It seems one after another, without the first one or several getting resolved before we have more thrown our way. It has been a challenge and I'm not going to get into the details of the issues that remain at hand and hard, but as I thought about these stresses today, and prayed, God answered me in the way he often does. Gratitude.  I am brought to remembrance of the many good things still in life and a need to know that blessings abound, sometimes they are just not the ones I'm looking for- so I might miss them.

So, today's gratitude list.

**  Although things have been hard for the parents of the family, the kids do not seem overly affected. They are all functioning well and seem only marginally aware of the concerns.  I'm grateful for this, that for the most part  it appears, they are not feeling the weight of the world upon them as it seems we are.

** I'm grateful that through the  winding path of life and the places I've been and people I've interacted with I've made friendships with people who have been a strength in a variety of ways.  Maybe they have expertise or experience with some of the issues we are now dealing with and lend an ear, or insight, support and encouragement. Others are true friends who reach out in support and allow me to ramble and rant at times. Especially grateful for those who get me and my personality and why some of the things we have been dealing would be hard for me.

** There are still lots of great things going on for our family such as
     * Whitney will be graduating next month.  She is looking forward to her time with FEMA Corps. She just attended prom with a sweet young man and was on prom court.
     * Andrew just finished another year of college successfully and is home for the summer and working.
     * Jayna is doing well in school,and also just had her 2nd piano recital.
     * We have a vacation planned to Boston with plans for whale watching, seeing Newsies and more!
     * Richard is enjoying teaching the PA motorcycle safety courses.

** Then there are some of the "big" more universal things to be grateful such as living in a country and area where I don't fear for my family's physical safety regularly,  Having a home and food.  Libraries where I can get lots of books. A belief in answers to prayers.

Anyhow, that is where I am today. Trying to find peace in the good and being grateful for that.

And so it goes...

Reading Now- "Mozart's Last Aria" by Matt Rees
Recently Read- "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande- highly recommended reading for every adult! We need to have conversations about life, living and dying and what is most important to each other individually.

Mother's Day and an Open Door

Richard and I headed to bed a bit ago, and I left the bedroom door wide open.  I've always liked to have the door open some and some light coming in; he on the other hand prefers it completely closed.  He is not a mom.  Whitney has been gone since Thursday morning on her school's senior trip. She'll get home late sometime tonight, I don't really know when to expect her, but when she gets home, what I want her to see is the open door, both literally and figuratively.  She knows when she gets home she is expected to check in and let me know she's home, not just tonight, but any of the many nights that she gets home after we've gone to bed.  But, as a mom I want to get as much as I can from that late night check in, and that is where having an open door helps. How does she sound as she's telling us she's home? Changes in her voice are more noticeable with an open door.  Is she just sounding tired, or is there something in her tone that makes me wonder if she's upset? Do I just say good night, or wait a few minutes and then go check on her and make sure she's feeling okay all the way around.  I also want to see her just a bit as she enters the room across the hall. Is there any sadness or frustration on her face, is there a slump in her shoulders that makes her look more than just tired, or a smile on her face.  These are things that as a mom, even when woken from sleep that I am looking for.
However, I also want my kids to always see an "open door".  I want them to know that no matter how early or late, that I'm here for them. I want them to see me as a safe place to ask questions, to process their thoughts and to become who they truly are.  I want them to know that my love for them isn't conditional - it's not based on certain expectations or achievements.  I want them to see an open door when they call for a ride at an inconvenient time or when they are choosing beliefs that aren't my own. I want them to see an open door- a door they are always welcomed through, not one they tiptoe by in fear.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to be a mom to each of them. Andrew, Whitney and Jayna- who continue to teach me.