Friday, May 30, 2008

May 30th- one more thought

I have just come to the realization that beyond praying, I can't do anything about Richard's job search or job situation; and that worrying doesn't do any good, so I can now just let it all go. I'm just going to have to have faith, and let it be. Yes this same principal probably applies to many more things, but I can only give up my false sense of control over one thing at a time I guess! And wouldn't it be nice, if by me realizing and saying this is all God needed. That now my Heavenly Father could say, oh she finally gets it, let's give this man a great job!! Anyhow- here's to one less thing on my worry plate!!

And so it goes...

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Just some thoughts- May 29,2008

This past year has been full of changes for me. Generally, they have been good, but sometimes I wish everything would slow down a bit- I wonder how much intensity/change I can take in a period- good or not. In the past year I have sent the last of my children to start kindergarten, which has thus somewhat shut me out of the playgroup group (call it a clique if you wish), still friends with many , but have really lost some of that, even though I wasn't a diehard fan of playgroup before. It just puts me in a different life phase. I've started working again, I've started weight watchers and have so far lost 30 pounds, I've spent lots of time thinking ,figuring out what is next in my life, what I'm most interested in, decided to apply for college, and have gone through that intense period of getting everything done to register for classes, with plans to become a C.O.T.A. (certified occupational therapy assistant), although I still wonder if that's enough for me, or what I really want to do (Which after the craziness about killed my husband when I said that) I'd really like to earn a degree in "changing the world" All the while, being a mom to three kids (13,11 and 6) who lets face it can be very needy and demanding. And just dealing with the day to day of life and marriage and all that goes with that. So all though these changes have generally been good, it can leave me feeling a bit depleted. It takes energy to do all this to have that focus to lose weight, get a college plan....

Just finished- "The Dive from Clausen's Pier"- I really liked this book, probably because it has to do with someone figuring out their own life, which we never really do. The middle of it had more sex than I need to read about, so did some skimming, but I really did like this book. It's about a woman who had been in a relationship with her high school sweetheart, but feeling like it wasn't what she still wanted, then her boyfriend became parapelegic, and it follows her decision to stay or go and what happens.

Reading now- "Eat, Pray, Love"- also enjoying this probably for the same reason, someone searching- (my own personal theme I guess for awhile) it has made me wish I was born Italian, to be able to enjoy life in the moment and get great pleasure. I am so dang structured and responsible- I know I appreciate responsible people, but unfortunately for me I feel it to be a quality that I don't like in myself because I can never just relax, have to be prepared to cover for someone, do the right thing- heck if I even lived in the southern states maybe that would be a start, but that's the whole point for me I guess, I haven't enjoyed being south, because it is too laidback or friendly or something- yep I'm a northern responsible girl ("We raise our children so when they are 18 they are ready to leave the house and make it", that's a take on something my Dad has said) I also could totally relate with her crying in bathrooms, I have done my share of that too! Probably about 1/2 through the book.

And so it goes...

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Mother's Day and Life

We celebrated Mother's Day today, which was nice. Richard was afraid he would have to work in the morning tomorrow (he does) and didn't want to miss it. The kids got me one of those cool recordable cards, and it is definitely something to keep and cherish. They sound adorable. Anyhow, I got some great gifts : new shoes, scripture tote (Andrew's recycled, but it's good for me!), a new purse, a hanging basket, skillets too (Which I wanted, but think I will return to get a different kind- sorry Richard) Anyhow, I love my kids a ton. Tomorrow the kids and I are driving to Ohio to see my Mom. I hope it is a really nice day. Sometimes I wish I could be a little closer to family, especially as my parents are getting older. It will be my Mom's first mother's day since her Mom passed on. I don't know if she'll be sad or not. My sisters and some of their families will be there too and we plan on having a bonfire (burn the brush pile, a way to help Mom) so it will be nice to see everyone. I wish I didn't have to be the one to drive home though- that's always Richard's job!

Richard is now working a 2nd job part-time. He is working at Motel 6 doing front desk and maintenance. We were both looking for something to just make things financially a little easier, he got something first. Which I felt a little guilty about. I'm only working part-time, but really felt I needed to finish the school year out since I'm new to being in the work force. Truthfully, I think he is dealing with it (working another job) better than I would. He says when he hears stories about the economy and prices he's thankful he already has one. He's a good man.

College stuff has been stressful. I thought I was doing fine, but am now feeling somewhat behind. I have a test I need to take before I can get admitted to the program I want and won't be able to take it for almost 2 weeks. (To prove I don't need remedial English!!) The stress being that there are only 12 more spots open. Oh well, I really think it will be fine and if not then I guess we'll wait a year or try a different option or...?

I love the smell of our lilac bush!

And so it goes...